On May 7th my husband and I welcomed our first child into the world. Weighing in at 10.11 lbs and 23 inches Carson Michel Rivas was a whopper! We found out at birth that Carson had a horrible heart condition called total anomalous pulmonary venous return(TAPVR) that was had filled his lungs with blood in utero, which never allowed them to develop. After his first surgery I told Carson that as long as he wanted to fight I would fight as hard as I could for him, but I also knew I would never make him fight any longer than HE wanted to. He endured 3 open heart surgeries in 5 months and was then diagnosed with Pulmonary vein stenosis(PVS) which we were told was a fatal progressive disease. We were encouraged to take him home on hospice and make him comfortable. We took Carson home in November at 6.5 months old and prayed he would prove all the doctors wrong. Carson thrived at home! He laughed, he stayed awake for hours, he played… But he also gagged, choked, struggled, seemed to be in pain a lot of the time. After being home for 14 days we went in for a check up with the cardiologist… He told us Carson was fading. His numbers were all over the place, his fluid levels were all wrong and he seemed to losing his fight. They wanted to admit him to the hospital but I knew he would die there and I owed Carson more than that. He didn’t fight for 7 months to die in that place that held him captive for so long. We decided to go the hospice route and make him comfortable at home. On the way home from the appointment Carson stopped breathing in the car and turned blue. We immediately bagged him and pumped him full of oxygen and he did come back… But it was still too late. His brain had taken a hit and in that moment, in the car on the side of the interstate, I knew Carson was telling me he was done, he had no fight left and he needed me then more than ever to do what needed to be done. The problem was Carsons body was growing and his lungs could not keep up. At 11pm on December 5, 2014, I held Carson in my arms as we turned off his ventilator and I personally handed him over to Jesus. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make but when I told Carson I would fight for him that included letting him stop fighting when he was ready. The Drs. told us he was on the verge of a major heart attack and or a stroke and I had to save him from that. As his mother I had to protect him from something, and on that night I did what I had to do for him.
Carson made an impact on everyone who came in contact with him. His light shined so bright and his smile could light up a room. He left behind a load of people that will never be the same after his short life, including his mom and dad who will never let his beautiful spirit die. He is gone from this earth but NEVER forgotten!
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