At a very young age(21)who knew my life would be for ever changed,on may 3rd 2011 I gave birth to a Baby boy whom I named Jayden Chance Love! Just 7days after His birth He stopped breathing so I rushed him to the hospital,after 3long hours I was told my son was born with a heart defect called T.A.P.V.R.Before I knew it my son’s bellybutton chord was ripped off tubes placed into his belly &head,I was told “mom your son needs emergency open heart surgery”.Scared and in shock I grabbed my son’s father&we Drove as fast as we could to be there when our sweet baby boy came out of an 11 1/2 hour heart surgery. So young we were and scared the doctors prepared us for what our eyes were about to see.. our sons chest still open heart beating but only with the help of a c.p.s machine. He was red ,swollen,cold, and in an induced coma. After 15 long days our Baby was on his way home! What happy parents we were, until 18 days later at his cardiology appointment the doctor gave us heartbreaking bad news, our baby Jayden needed another open heart surgery. This went on from June until September (not one time from June to September did our son leave the hospital nor could we hold him) after 7 total surgeries the doctors came into his room on September 20th and told me “ms love, we have bad news, after Jaydens echocardiogram we have decided another surgery is out of the equation there is nothing more we can possibly do to prolong your son’s life span” my heart sank and I hit the floor. I Passed out on the spot. My son just 4 months and 19days old was going to die? What? Why? ( close your eyes for a minute put your self in my shoes, 21 with 3 kids, out of work so I could be by my baby’s side day in and day out, fighting with all I have to help him be healthy and alive . Just to be told no he’s not going to make it. I was crushed confused questioning my faith, asking why do I deserve it,why does he deserve it? What did I do wrong) two days pass and Jayden is still fighting for His life, the date is September 22,2011 it’s 2 pm and My sweet Baby’s heartbeat starts to slip lower and lower, finally the Dr’s said mom, he won’t make it through the night call whom ever you want to be here. Dad arrives and we are standing by our Sons hospital bed, it’s 5pm and I finally break. I lose it tears flooding my face I ask the doctors to place him into my arms. with his tubes and i.v.s the doctors do exactly that! I’m finally holding My son after all of these months! Im Happy, scared , hurt, but feel so blessed to have him in my arms again! At 5:30pm my son was secure in my arms and I was crying my eyes out. Who knew how much longer he had? Will this be the last time I hold him? Will he miss me? Does he know I tried? So many questions in my mind. At 5:50 pm I told my son (” Jayden it’s ok you can let go, mommy won’t be mad, I’ll be sad, but I promise I won’t be mad , Jayden I love you) well at 5:55ish pm I felt a sharp pain in my heart, my stomach turned and I asked the Dr to please check my son, they looked at his monitor , then came to listen for a heart beat, but it was gone. They say my son died at 6pm. All I remember is shaking my baby and begging him to please wake up, Jayden wake up please I need you.. but he didnt. Why my son?? How will I live without him. It’s now 2016 and I still miss my baby. What could I have done different?? I’ll never know. This is Jayden story.
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